Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
