evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
