Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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