found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
