Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
