he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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