Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
