whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
