ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
