i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
