I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
