im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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