And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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