My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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