you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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