At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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