Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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