so that wasnt chicken after all
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
