he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
