Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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