1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
