I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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