It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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