I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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