why didn't you poke me back
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Mom said you looked used
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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