i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
