this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
