I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
