He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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