The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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