Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
