Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
