TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
