becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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