Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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