is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
