i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
