Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
