I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
