He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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