I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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