he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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