it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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