fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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