my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
