her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
