Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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