The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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