I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
