So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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