it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
