Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
