I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
