Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
