well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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