That's intense
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
